In the progress of rhetorical literature

The end of all things

2010-12-31T01:57:00.001+08:00

Starts with all things.

The end of 2010.
Great strides.
Great strides indeed.

Many lost
Many gained.

But never will I look back,
And grieve for any moment untouched.
Because being the immortal man
Means letting go.
Being unmoved by specifics.

But hey,
Look back,
Be happy because events happened.
Be happy.
Be satisfied.
Be grateful.
Be graceful.

The year taught me alot.
I'm a person of character now.
I'm a joymonger.
I live my life.
And the coming years will
Smile at my joy.

To which I will finally rest,
After finally found my calling.

2011 will be another joyous occasion.
A year to celebrate self joy and
Personal triumph.
For nothing stands in the way of an
Immortal man.

The immortal man that I am.

Thanks 2010.
You taught me well.

Have

2010-12-20T22:13:00.001+08:00

Shd blog on 2010 conclusion soon.

Phatagin?

2010-12-12T15:46:00.001+08:00

Mst is over.
Which means no more mst for
the rest of my life.

Oh poly life,
I don't want you to end!

Well anw,
It's holidays now.
And I've just cut my hair Wooooooooo!

I feel quite happy after cutting lol.

Was super grinning the whole time.
I'm contented.

Shall post more entries here
since I've got lots of time in my hands!
Yay

Think. The villain in me.

2010-12-07T02:46:00.001+08:00

Had a bad experience last Saturday.
They just canceled PTP's set because
There wasn't anymore time.

Bleah.

Wasted my time.

But well,
Won't go crazy from that.
Had enough of getting crazy.
Shall be the bigger, better man.
Since I'm the immortal man.

Met maybellyn that day.
After like.... 2 years
Or and arshanti too!
Anw,
We talked about jimmy's relationship
thingy.
Well may said some things that really made me thought about what I've been doing.
It's all really personal, really.

Leading people on.
Trusting one another.
Receiving love.
Being oblivious.

I'll never feel comfortable anymore.

But optimistic I shall stay.
Maybe I've been trying too hard.
Then maybe I should wait for it to come to me.
Because chasing isn't really the best way to approach this.

I should change.
I should find closure to this.

Because I don't want to be the villain.
And they are all very nice personalities.

And because I'm tired.

I'm tired of being the sad disgrace.
I'm tired of being in the shadow of the limelight.
I'm tired of being in the chase.
I'm tired of being the failure.

I'm tired of being the wolf in sheep's clothing.

I shall sit on the branch.
Where the tree grows from the top of the hill.
Where my vision towers the rest.
And I'll rest.
Finally rest.
Finally find my closure.

Till then,
Be myself.
Because sunshine thrives.

2010-12-03T18:05:00.001+08:00

I should be studying.

You are the worry

2010-11-23T23:35:00.001+08:00

Im so full of love and hate right now.

I hate how you call yourself a musician.

I love how I could stay optimistic and hopeful.

My love will be my director.

Entity.

2010-11-21T14:35:00.001+08:00

I've always believed that there is a higher being that controls the nature of the universe.

And that there is reason for every detail of events that happen.

And that has led me to view the world in another perspective.
Which leads me then,
To the war between good and evil.
The REAL war.

The war that only believers will ever realize.
A war that has been happening for centuries but generations have victoriously hide it from mainstream thoughts.

Between good and evil.

No, it's not some fairytale or that I've finally bust my brain.
Only believers can see it.

Knowing that,
I come to notice death or accident trends that the world is directing.

Notably of course,
SG's recent trend of slashing teens.
Coincidental or on purpose?

What about before that, where we saw airplane crashes. I watched the news recently, it featured 3 crashes.

Trend of uprooted trees.

Cars that topple over.

Missing children assumed to be drowned.

Trends.

I believe there is something happening in this world that is hidden to us.

Terrorists.

How could Muslims, who believes strongly in peace do such destruction?
Is there another story to it that the public aren't supposed to knw?

Is there a strong concept of complicated conspiracies that is directing the nature of the events happening in this world?

Is something pushing these misled Muslims (if they were misled in the first place) to do such a destruction?
Because I do not believe that anyone at all would have such despicable thought that killing innocents will gain a successful objective.

I believe a higher being, good or evil is controlling the world.
And that we are all under the influence of
the 'master plan'.

Something is happening.
Something big is about to happen.

Let's just open our eyes.

For we are all energy
We feel the universe.

Might.

2010-11-04T09:22:00.001+08:00

In sch.
Well Halloween horrors is over now.
Shall blog about that next time.

Post-event evaluation.

Tedious
I can't actually be bothered much about
writing in the fyp log book.
Report is tedious, time consuming and takes the life out of me.

But whatever.
I'm so gonna get an A for this.
I DON'T CARE.
I want my A!

Anw,
It's debriefing at night safari today.
With the night safari corporate staff.
Night safariiii again.
Wooooo.

ANYWAY
An hour late for class today.
My goodness 8am class is really getting to me.
I can never be on time anymore!

Need to listen to lecture.
Argh k bai.

Monster. Your own product.

2010-10-26T01:48:00.003+08:00

Just because we understand,
doesn't mean we tolerate.

Just because.

Just because.

Sincerity accounts for nothing in this world.
Yet we still try to communicate.

Why.

Envy, when hello greets.

2010-10-07T04:19:00.002+08:00

Last Tuesday Jimmy and I decided
impulsively, to walk from Bukit Batok to Pasir Ris Park/Beach.

The whole journey was like watching a
movie unfold.
excitement, witty, emotional, hilarious

and mostly,
Adventure.

And it really challenged
our friendship.
but I'm really glad we made it out alive and well.
(alive wasnt really a necessary word)

Vids and pics to be uploaded soon.
well not here,
probably in Facebook.

That aside,
I wanted to discuss something which my friend
actually complain about one of our good friend.
he said something like this,

"He doesn't know the meaning of life"

which i just let it slide because i wasnt reading too much into it.
Until now.

The meaning of life?

I mean, life in its literal meaning itself, brings about endless
sub-categories of wonder which in turn,
spawns its own endless list of questions.

Life is seen in almost 360 degrees of difference
in every individual eyes.
The thoughts about life
and the questions asked
differs between a priest and a scientist.
A student and a teacher.
A mother and her son.
A couple.
even bestfriends.

and that tells me,
the meaning of life shouldn't be defined in a phrase or equation.
its vastness is to be marveled at rather than to be solved.

No one should be able to solve THE question.
"What is life?"

Life is to be understood.
not solved.

Life should be intangibly felt.
It should be felt with our hearts.
It should be felt with the warmth
of a sunny morning when we
naturally wake up, not worrying
that the routines of the architectural
system of the world rests upon our shoulders.

Life should stay a mystery.
an enchanting mystery with
a permanent history.

All the more should we really care about nothing,

2010-09-25T03:10:00.002+08:00

I think just one miraculous incision could change everything.

I've been extremely busy with night safari these few weeks/days
lost count of how many times I've been there.

though its alot of fun.
even better the days spent with awesome people.
the last rehearsal I became Jiangshi.
had alot of different comments from people really.

all of them really positive!

and gonna become Jiangshi again later for walkabout.
look out Orchard Road, here comes Tom. =D

I do realise now that I'm quite thick-skinned
whenever I set my mind to it.
Though its very much still situational.
I'm quite thankful I'm the person I am.

And I'm very proud to be a person of character.
A person that sees the world the way I want to see it.
I think that's what lacking in this world.
or maybe it's just me.
Character.
I'd want my children next time to grow up
and become a person with character.

someone that looks at things differently,
someone that is not afraid to challenge ideas
but at the same time respects limitations.
someone that lives in his own philosophies,
someone that thrives in thoughts about possibilities,
someone that questions himself,
someone that is not bounded by the influences
his vast social connections directs,
someone with character.

because people are getting boring.

I like impulsive people.
They make me question the world I've built myself in.

Most people from my school or even my cousins see me as
someone weird, someone who thrives in difference.
Someone that radiates energy and activity.
A person cycling through motions.
over and over again.

I'm a slow paced person.
I like to hear myself think.
I like to spend my time in a place with low activity.
I prefer walking vast distances by myself,
observing whatever walks past me.

how every second, fate wanted
those souls to give themselves
a second just to give a quick glance
to my side.
how every moment of walking,
the world suggests to me someone
I don't know.
Why?
Why do we all walk past the person we see in the street?
Why must it be that specific person?
Is there a deeper, hidden reason to why that specific person
walked past me?

I want to know the deeper meaning of life.
This obsession with thoughts makes me who I am.
I dont know why I want to make everything
more confusing and difficult than they already are.

just that sometimes,
I need to redeem myself.
I have a constant greed to feel alive.
Alive in my own way.

I want to feel hope.
If hope was tangible,
I want to feel how it feels on my skin.

but really, I just want to know the world.
I want to understand the world.

soon.

2010-09-13T02:08:00.000+08:00

hello!

did everyone had a good weekend?

I sure did =D

Late Night Beliefs

2010-09-06T04:17:00.002+08:00

I cant get to sleep so I decided not too.
I'll just sleep tomorrow....
I mean, today. since its already 4.18am.

Hence I'll just post a late entry to this massively
taken for granted blog.

Well lately I've been sleeping at 5am+ and waking up
at like 5-6pm.
totally change my whole freaking lifestyle.
nocturnal, nocturnal

So i guess I should maybe update on what's
been happening in my life?
haha its not like anyone's reading this anyway.
and that notion kinda seem very overused and cliche huh?

like everyone keeps saying their blogs are never read.

well whatever.
I'm writing this with The Fire Fight's Train Song
accompanying my ears.
miss them man.
miss singing that song alongside old friends.
haiz!

Anyway,
its test & exam week now.
The YOG weeks are way overdue
but I'm gonna talk about it abit though =D

ermm... hmm....
I kinda miss that 'festive' spirit
where twitter and fb are spammed
with all kinds of YOG comments and pictures.
yeah, I know I said YOG wasn't much of anything.
But I think I have to admit,
I did actually wanted to be a part of it
like one way or another.

well its too late now so whatever.
haha.
thats just typical me.
I'd say something that implies me being
so totally nonchalant about something
but my heart says I wanted to be
part of that something.
like the Harry Potter movies.
hahahhahaha

lame i know.
but I kinda always wanted to be apart of
that movie series =D
and I keep telling my good friend I'm not interested
in Harry Potter and all. hahhaha.
haiz tom so pathetic.

well that YOG holz was burned
by FYP activites.
going back to Night Safari for
a number of times.
I've completely forgotten how many times
I've been to night safari now. bleahs.
And the Scare Actors Camp was quite fun too!
met new people, with really annoying personalities.
hahahaha kidding,
they are awesome people.
some very handsome looking guys!
some very pretty looking girls!

and had awesome laughs!
really have to admit though,
they are all make very very great scare actors
Am really thankful to have chosen such
good actors.

oh and the video!
thank god the stressful part of it is over.
coordinating the client, 8 scare actors, jehmie (boss),
the video team and makeup artists at
one time is nuts.
but is sooooooo worth it.
hmmmmm so thats how producers and directors feel.
so pressured and stressful.
and they manage like hundreds of people!

I guess comparing to event managers and
any other coordinating jobs,
mine is like nothing luhhhh!
so I shouldn't complain! =D

and thanks so much ELIZABETH
for being such a nice helpful girl.

you awesome.

its september now,
so its gonna start in a month.
and end in 2 months.

i just cant wait.

oh and PTP is playing for Antagonist A.D. this tuesday!
@Home Club!

so please be there is you're free yes!
We'll be playing alongside very very awesome bands
like Abolition A.D., StraightForward, Her Silent Wish And Ruins!

I think this is where I should end.
Hmmm... now to look for something else to do till morning.
or until its time to go jamming.

Hearts

2010-08-30T04:13:00.002+08:00

my ribs hurt when i lie down sometimes.

feels like the muscle or some major vein shifts.

and the splitting headache from blood gushing to my
head aftr standing up gets worse every time.
I'm afraid to get up whenever I lie down now.

YAY!

Control

2010-08-27T02:57:00.000+08:00

How often do we speak in our own voices?
How often do we live in our own suit of personality?
How often do we walk in our own, uninterrupted path?

I have always been thinking,
do I live in my own set of reality,
or am I confined in my my own reality?

Am I my own man?

Do I live as a man, full of hope and prosper
as time rolls in,
or do I live as what time gives me?

who dictates?
man or time?

I've always wondered about what I don't do.
the supposedly 'bad' things which my tradition
and upbringing categorises them as.

drinking, smoking, tattooing, even sex.

yes, I'm obliged to say they are bad
mainly because of how I was brought up as a person,
and how these activities were directed as, ever
since I was small.

And I have to say,
I'm really quite staunch in areas of religion and tradition
compared to the people I've ever met.
and no, I'm not saying I'm a good person because of that.

because in this modern world,
where ideas and philosophy transcends
religion and tradition,
a good person is reflected on his main personality and contribution,
based on his ideas.
not how deeply involved he is in his religion and tradition.

and also,
his ideas have to be, well, good.
just like his personality.

good personality being?
kind, gentle, understanding and all that blabberish attributes.

but really, how can a person decides good personality?
and frankly, in the first place, how can a person decides
what a good person should be like?

oh well, I digress.

I don't drink, or smoke, or get inked, or have different sex
partners for that matter.
and the thing is, I don't do it primarily because I can't.
it's just not the person I was brought up as.

so does that mean I'm forever confined
as what my upbringing, tradition and religion
dictates me?

I wonder.

but what if we isolate these characteristics.....
take out the factors that prevents me from being what
I'm not.
If I don't have religion
If I wasn't such a person of culture and refined morals.
If I was brought up differently

If I view these 'negative' activities as normal and routinely

Would I still not do it?
or would I slide into conformity and
live a life of suchness?

but why do I say that I'd be conforming?

If I supposedly view these activities in a negative light,
why would I be conforming?
are these activities that rampant?
are these activities so regular and typical that everyone inside my
100m circumference are doing it?

if not, then why is it bad?

but I cant label good and bad from my own individualistic mind.
because well, its individualistic.
and I'd be looking from my own point of view.

it'd be one-sided right?

hence, its all a vicious cycle!
because like what I've mentioned,
"and frankly, in the first place, how can a person decides
what a good person should be like?"
it occurs and applies in labeling whether an activity
is good or bad.

one shouldn't be quick to be judging good or bad an activity is.

because morals,
in this 21st century, has changed.

morals, are different with the changing of times.
with the ease of availability of ideas and philosophy.

but back to my own personal thoughts about my actions,
if we isolate those characteristics.....

will I still be the person I am today?
living a life pure,
untouched by these 'negative' activities

honestly,
as of right now,
I'd say I'm obliged not to be involved with the mentioned activities.
obliged.

I think I do know that my mind wanders freely around those activities.
and I am quite sure that religion, tradition and upbringing is a wall
that keeps me in place.
the roots that keep me grounded.

so where do I really stand in all of these thoughts?

what kind of person am I,
in the midst of all these?

and eventually,
can man really shape their future?
or is the future ordained by fate and destiny?

2010-08-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

Missed B-Quartet.
Again.
bleah.

2010-08-15T03:27:00.000+08:00

So what?

I'm Awesome.

2010-08-15T03:15:00.000+08:00

LIKE.

I'm just pretending to be happy aren't I?

But I'm happy!

no?

mirrors dont actually tell us what we need to know.

2010-08-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

my breast is growing.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha

but seriously.

2010-08-11T15:45:00.000+08:00

I drew more stuffs on my wall!
it looks naise now.

Shall post a pic soon.

when it's nicer!

OH OH OH!
My asos stuff are here!

2010-08-11T02:14:00.000+08:00

soft voice that whispers to me
soft voice that lingers in my thoughts

your presence used to make sense.
but since then it only brought pain and sorrow.

how did such beautiful, image of perfection flipped its
nature to its very core?

April, May, June, July, August.

how did we come to this?

no, how did I come to this.

why do I insist on clinging onto something
that will exist to be a misrepresentation of reality?

a fairytale, fiction.
fiction, gathered only by minds that longed to feel
alive.

alive from being able to share the spaces we reserved as 'private'
a special space we call our own,
where our calm self exist, beyond the exterior representation
of ourselves.

representation which we put forth a set of notable lies.
but lies, which we all produce to assure ourselves that we belong.
we belong.

So what if I'm weak?
Honesty brings me closer to my reality.
and my reality is where I shall seek
shelter.
the reality where you stand with me.

and this reality shall stay immortal.
it shall be definite and unchanging

not because I want to,
but because I can't change it.

because the months that continues to flow
from that day compels me to your essence.
even when your presence is merely a soft voice.

a collection of soft voices in my recollection.

because I realise I can never shake this empty feeling.

because I know a part of myself got lost when you fade away from my sight

because all of me centralised to act within your perimeter

because I cannot prognosticate from whatever you've been throwing upon me.

and because afterall, I can never let go.

because all this time,
I couldn't admit I don't love you.

because the only way,
is for me to abandon all ships.

lika sumbooodie!

2010-08-03T21:28:00.000+08:00

Omg i realised i really really miss Gee.

and SNSD's earlier stuffs.

bleah.

HUH

2010-08-02T17:55:00.000+08:00

fuck all the idol girl groups.

Koyote's Shinji is the best.

hvnt been listening to KPOP actually.
hahahhaa.
but shinji so cute.

ok im out.

2010-07-20T00:33:00.000+08:00

So flammeth Trishna, lust and thirst of things.

Eager, ye cleave to shadows, dote on dreams;
A false self in the midst ye plant, and make
A World around which seems;
Blind to the height beyond;
deaf to the sound

Of sweet airs breathed from afar past Indra's sky;

Dumb to the summons of the true life kept
For him who false puts by,

So grow the strifes and lusts which make earth's war,
So grieve poor cheated hearts and flow salt tears;
So wax the passions, envies, angers, hates;
So years chase blood-stained years

With wild red feet.

Where the routes crosses

2010-07-13T00:38:00.000+08:00

Jimmy's Raybands are (Y)

ok well I was gonna audition for Tacit Aria
by sending them a demo of myself.

BUT.

bleah. I kinda delayed it.
because I suck.
and now I've got a bad sore throat.
but well that sore throat was short-lived

But then, I lost my voice.

and that was a bitch.
Well its recovering but hard for me to sing now.
BLEAH. shit man.

That aside,
life's picking these few weeks.
Been keepin myself busy!
which is so awesome.
and though fyp is a bitch,

auditions canceled out all the shit
and manage to put in sooo much good times.
I have to admit,
I'm actually enjoying FYP.

THANKS ALOT TO MY 14 FYPMATES.
hahahahahahaha.
while others only have 2 others to work with,
we have 14.

we are like a FYP family.
awesome people.

and to the 80++ people we are gonna be working with,
welcome aboard!

And just had the first proper jamming with new band!
hahahahaaha
EMAROSA & DANCE GAVIN DANCE.

like how crazy shit is that.

Anw, PTP is taking a break to focus on writing!
things are really really really picking up for the band.
we are playing awesome shows after awesome shows.
Meeting awesome awesome people.

and NP gig was a blast.

super massively creative circlepit is sick.

My mom just told me
"If you become famous one day, remember to treat everyone as equals"

hahaha
sure I would!
i wont be an asshole.

anw, theres alot of projects to complete.
but well,
take it slow.
slowly but surely!

HAPPY TOM =D
HAPPY TOM =D

"Cheebai LEET"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

2010-07-04T04:57:00.001+08:00

OK,
I shall try out for Tacit Aria.

With our hearts holding on to the brushes, we quietly painted the skyline

2010-06-27T04:30:00.000+08:00

Ok, home at 4.15am.
out with...... 3 different groups of people in a short span.

poly mates,
primary sch mates,
and random Jimmy.

hahaha.

as usual,
bro percussion ensemble never disappoints.
it's never boring. ever.

oh! and alot of people said my hair looks better.
though Joanne said "no difference"
TSK OIE!

ok luh,
not much different.
BLEAH.

Jimmy, you shd join whenever I'm out with Tan & Ow.
keeps me entertained,
and the girls' lives unbearable.
hahahahah

ok, so now,
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS COMING UP.

Go on dear, I'll try not to.

2010-06-24T02:56:00.000+08:00

I need to post something legit soon.

soon.

and thats where you come in

2010-06-23T15:32:00.000+08:00

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

because we all need it sometimes

2010-06-22T14:58:00.000+08:00

I watched the dark blue of the night lighten
as it was greeted by the horizon

I watched the red clouds turn white
while some turn crimson, violet.

I watched clouds fought its way
with lightning.

I watched nature drove its course anyway.

I watched how their silhouette gathered, dispersed, gathered, dispersed.

I watched how they used the time,
keeping their smiles to get through the dawn.

I watched while they soundly slept behind
the hectic routines, oblivious to the transitions.

and then it was time to go.

2010-06-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

The scarce minority that we try to value will
not actually make perfect evaluation of
our ghostly instincts.

and as cruel as it seems, the apparent stays apparent.
even if it means losing that....
that thing you lose.

so walk slowly,

and let's hug!

an everlasting, a neverlasting

2010-06-17T02:34:00.000+08:00

sucks im finally online with a decent
formatted com.

i lost count on how many reformats of this shit.

Really thing all electronic devices hate me.
GAH.

Im damn bored.
Jimmy said the original is good.

RECORDING TIME.

oh dear,
I need to do FYP.
shit.
gotta get photoshop now.
BLEAH.

anyway,
I drew on my wall.
black and white graffiti art.
its less than partially done though.

exhausted my black marker.

PLEASE DONATE YOUR BLACK MARKER TO ME!
so i can finish drawing and colouring my wall.
=D

shall post a vid/pic of it here or on FB soon!

It still looks nice even though it looks
like I barely even started!
hurray!

Moments. Life's waiting.

2010-06-15T02:35:00.000+08:00

Friends change, the faces will rearrange.

When will tomorrow be yesterday?
I know what I want to come next.
I don't know what I'm becoming.

A town grows and watch as they build it,
This happens brick by brick.
You can't tell how long it'll stand,
And if it falls will they rebuild it again?

The things that we know we've got to let them go.
Cause they'll grow sometimes too fast for us to realize.

Accept it. Accept this.

The world spins the same as a rose blooms,
It happens but it's invisible to you.

Nothing here can last forever,
Unless you always remember.

The leaves fall, the trees become bare again.
The fall ends and we start a new year,
And then no one knows what changes will come.
It's too slow, it's too subtle to notice one.
Accept it. Accept this.

We miss these changes day by day,
They turn to dust and then blow away.

These aren't changes in our eyes,
It's only life that's passing by.

Things will come and things will go,
When it ends we'll never know.
We'll live our lives and carry on,
Until it's over until it's gone.

I've always had a problem with letting go.
and I know others who do too.
I hate commitments.
but I always find myself jumping into one.
why?
why do we humans pleasure ourselves with such things?

Why do we insist on risking our comfort zone
by sharing it?

and then, when we grown to have found comfort
in that so called "enhanced" state,

sometimes we deliberately sabotage
our own happiness.

or eventually,
a part of that comfort zone is forced to be taken from you.
and the reality comes down crashing
not because you lost someone,
but because you lost a part of yourself.

so why share your private space knowing
its only temporary?

why do people still partner themselves
even when they know it'll end eventually?

When will we settle down and be satisfied with
whatever we have in our hands?

Is life so infinite that we always make plans for tomorrow?

honestly,
I can't.
I can't keep losing things I share a part of myself with.
And sometimes, it's not just people.

But we can't help it can we?

It's just reality.
to get through it,
sometimes we need help to share life's load.

because in the end,
we are all just human.

No matter how we don't want things to change,
its ever-changing.
And that intangible phases of change
come across unknowingly.

so let go,
let go.
let go.

carry on living.
make plans for tomorrow.

i love you

I thought you'd atleast knew that.

2010-06-14T21:32:00.000+08:00

small changes scares me.
and hence, I appear to reject them immediately.
but I do dwell on it.
then I'll give in
I just need some time to fit into it.
and I do come around to like it eventually.

Just give me a chance.

In every man of substance

2010-06-13T02:30:00.001+08:00

hahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha
Louis, I felt super awkward in your party.

Coming home, coming home.

2010-06-12T03:35:00.000+08:00

You said I didn't care.
So I did.

and everything went in your direction.

But you found it overwhelming.

So what was I to do?

I didn't lose hope though.
I didn't want to.
You were my hope.

but time couldn't stand still
and we live in our cruel extremes
while our tunes just couldn't live in harmony.

You shattered your heart to let me live.
you let me live in the oblivion you set me up with.

But I didn't want you to lose.
My promise had already been made
All I could do was to hurt you to hurt me.

I'm truly sorry
but that was how I thought I could redeem you.
I'm just that damn different.

I didn't want to win
I didn't want to win

I don't want your sacrifice.
I'm not worth that much tears.

no,
I'm not worth your tears.
Not a single one.

and yet,
I still try to converse.

In feigning final attempts.

2010-06-12T02:20:00.000+08:00

yeah,
tests are officially over.
(re-tests aren't!)

yea, I know, I should be more optimistic.
BLEAH.

very much feel very good now.
but its gonna be shortlived so yeah.

I'm gonna stay indoors and do nothing.
I'll rest my mind or smth.

do things that satisfy myself.

satisfy my little old heart.
jyeah. =D

now,
i gotta cook smth for myself to eat.
instant noodles.

i'll see everyone soon =D

Vlog #4

2010-06-05T18:53:00.000+08:00

Atlast lol.=D

this grappling hook is my only entrance.

2010-06-05T04:14:00.000+08:00

wink day ;D

that progressive melody really gets me going =D

hahahahaha!
that sunny sight.

We forgot the people that brought us here!
no, no!

I'm going home<3

2010-05-31T20:11:00.000+08:00

OMG.
Whenever Sonia smiles,
i feel like she's smiling at me.

omg Sonia you are so cute.

ya I know,
I'm pathetic
*Story of my life much =.=*

this video is my sweet escape.

just enough for me to forget everything
for awhile =D

SONIA I WANNA MEET YOU.
nah, not really.

=D

2010-05-31T03:32:00.000+08:00

Thanks Kahyen and Joanne <3<3<3<3
for keeping me sane!

and spending time with me!

you know I said forever right? as in, forever?

2010-05-31T03:24:00.000+08:00

You don't know how much lies I had to give away,
to make it through today.

you have no idea.

you have no fucking idea.

you don't know how much the lies were killing me
but my pride just couldn't take such shame.
I thought you had a plan.

I know I was lying to myself.

I kept believing you had a plan anyway.

You don't know how I just sat there,
wishing I was home.

or hoping you had a plan

you don't know how much I was
begging for you to have a plan.

but you have no idea.
you have no fucking idea.

that you very much still exist.

I hope you noticed,

2010-05-29T03:26:00.000+08:00

I couldn't stop looking at you.
I mean it.

2010-05-29T02:55:00.000+08:00

so little time
so much to do
I'd rather spend my days with you.

really,
i'm supposed to have alotttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
of shit to blog about.

but oh wells.
shall save them for now.

yeah, i know i'm rude and all that.

2010-05-29T02:29:00.000+08:00

The only reason why we can't be together is because of me
and my unbelievably huge problem of getting over with things.
thats why I have 2 memory boxes.
and whole 1/3 of a wardrobe filled with untouched items
that god knows why,
and apparently I'm still waiting for them to once again make
me recall things which i know, that are not worth saving for.

so please suck it up

because I have a problem

you don't have to make it more complicated than this.

for to you, it doesn't matter anymore.

2010-05-28T04:10:00.000+08:00

hahahahahaha
I think you're funny <3

read my different faces.
maybe you'll be able to truly read me.

but don't think it's that simple
because even if you achieve that
effort driven task,

its difficult to meet the wave and the shore of the beach
when the tsunami is coming.

thats the extent.

I'm sorry,
maybe you don't deserve my history.

how impossible can this ethernet be?

laugh.
at everything we shared.

laugh.
at everything we care about.

2010-05-28T04:03:00.000+08:00

I guess I still miss you
Oh well, it's me and you
What else should we do?

When talking is for functioning people.

In my own skin. In my own skin.

2010-05-25T03:10:00.000+08:00

and so much more.

2010-05-23T02:28:00.000+08:00

and truth,
as it is,
might not be in your favour.

learn to walk away.

hahaha erm ok, this is embarassing.

2010-05-22T01:27:00.000+08:00

ok so last thurs was my 2nd time I actually came for
FOOD & BEVERAGE lecture.

and it's the 5th week now.

I know this is gonna ruin me if i saw it,
but I think Mr Wong Kum Kit
is really charming.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA
he makes me gay.

OH SHIT.
THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
hahahhahahaa.
Don't worry.

I'm not gay.

I still love girls.
Shucks, I will need to say ladies or women soon.
I love girls not ladies.
there's a difference

anyway, that isn't the point.

The point is, I think Mr Wong is a fine, fine man.
ok nvm.

That aside,
These few weeks the only think I wish to do is to stay at home.
which is really weird.
Whenever class ends earlier,
I'm always rushing to get home.
Somehow I just wanna be away from school.

and I just realised something,
it's not that I wanna be home.
I finally understand that I just don't wanna stay
at the same place for too long.

It's the reason why I find comfort in
long bus rides and mrt rides.
and alternative ways of reaching home.
It's because I know I'm always on the move
without 'physically being on the move'

hence,
I believe I won't like driving.
because I know I won't be able to marvel and appreciate
wherever I'm at, in any given moment in time.
I can't actually explain why though.

breakthrough breakthrough breakthrough

Don't anyone get in my way.
DON'T GET IN MY WAY.

2010-05-20T17:46:00.000+08:00

when life picks up,
you sabotage yourself.

Glad to be

2010-05-19T19:43:00.001+08:00

HOME!

apparently faith was on MC today,
which means class is only an hour long.

which also means,
an hour long of blindly copying notes into tutorial paper.

which also means,
crappy attendance,

which also means,
Tom won't bother going to school.

because, it takes 45mins to travel to school,
hence its 1.5hours++ to go and come back.

which is obviously more time spent than staying in school.

so.........
wooooo i declare a holiday today =D

anyway the guys and girls
wanted me to be their mascot for fyp.
which i thought about it (really, I did)
and I declined that wonderful (ok, not really) offer

its spells more disturbing the classes to talk.
really, I'm kinda sick of it.
and I know the whole school knows me because of that.
I'm famous for disrupting classes.

BE Day,
Dinner & Dance,
Yearbook.

They'll be like
"oh not him again =.="

ALTHOUGH its good because I hvnt met the first year events students yet.

NAHHHHH.

anyway,
I've super unproductive today.
and Jimmy's been super irritating.

I'm supposed to have alot of things to say,
but I totally forgot shitzzz.

so I'll blog again later.

If I still have the mood to write.

sometimes, we are annonymous

2010-05-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

but sometimes,
change is better.

2010-05-17T05:31:00.000+08:00

when all fails,
Pretend.

deeply.

These walls must not start talking.

2010-05-17T02:04:00.000+08:00

ohh god,
I cannot keep up this murderous charade.

Ignorance is out of reach.
My actions are haunting me.

ohh god,
I don't want to keep up this murderous charade.

Please don't uncover the truth.
Please don't uncover the truth.

oh no.
SHIT.

2010-05-15T01:26:00.000+08:00

I'd be a liar If I said I was telling the truth half the time,
I keep it locked inside,
Under a pile of smiles and deceit,
I will thrive, thrive...
I will die an honest man

even if I have to be dishonest

recover.

2010-05-14T00:21:00.000+08:00

Blasted.

2010-05-14T00:17:00.000+08:00

Oh god, not again.

I just had it done yesterday.
FML seriously, FML.

So we do know...

2010-05-13T15:58:00.000+08:00

few more hours till I'm
out for jamming.

Raining on my parade no longer affects me.

2010-05-12T23:57:00.000+08:00

Human, only human.

2010-05-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

2010-05-11T11:09:00.000+08:00

Because you're dangerous.

2010-05-11T01:55:00.000+08:00

TOM NEEDS HELP BEFORE HE SPIRALS.

2010-05-11T01:38:00.001+08:00

Throwing punches, at ocean waves.

2010-05-10T23:02:00.000+08:00

2010-05-10T20:59:00.000+08:00

"Because the one thing that we can't run away from is our feelings"

thank you scrubs for always teaching me life's lessons.

Lullabies, Tephra over my aura.

2010-05-09T04:06:00.000+08:00

Burning away my youth as your presence brought me.....
brought me those summer field.
Complexity is overrated
And you took away my summer.

My field,
The clouds didn't seem to notice its constant plea.
grey, grey,
as it rained on my lonely parade
when all I wanted for was its isolation.
But no,
you just had to turn away.

our lives looked so small.
our lives.
while it was still intertwined.
But no,
you just had to turn away.

Those kissable morning rain
Gave me more reasons to hide.
But why must we hide?
Must I cower over the recent loss?
Then what if your scars don't heal?
Will the hills breed stars?

I'm glued in this traffic
while watching everyone
walking past.
Time,
Time,
Catching up seems impossible when feelings can't intertwine.
Feelings don't compute.

burying wont matter for now.
fading into oblivion could have been best.

Don't laugh at me,
Fuck you,
everything reminds me of you.

"Don't", she said.

2010-05-09T03:50:00.000+08:00

Its 4am.
Sunday's already here.

I slept at 8am last morning and woke up at 6pm.
as I had expected.
quite happy that I can finally have some shut eye.

Fri was a terrific day.

met a hellllll lot of old friends.

apart from the normal Joanne, Kahyen meetups of course.

Vicknesh, Fadli, Christina, Mirliana (L)
and many many many more.
=D LIKE.

ended up walking Mir home since it was otw.
Misses Misses all the peeple.

Oh yea, Fri was bro's percussion ensemble concert.
As expected, he was on drum set.
His drum solo was O.O

yes, Joanne I'm F***ing proud of him.
No, I hvnt seen him playing the drums for such a looooooong time.
Well, his drum solo was as good as I had imagined uh.
awesome awesome.

5am breakfast again with twin.
JOANNE & KAHYEN IM SO DISAPPOINTED.
no luh.
joking =D

I wasn't actually expecting to see you two. haha.

5am hello?
soo early.
Only people not in the right mind like me and nash would do such a thing luh.

Missed Pak Kiu's birthday party.
SORRY PAK.

well, let me be buried soon.

2010-05-05T03:00:00.000+08:00

give me one reason if you got one reason
say there ain't no reason why we shouldn't get together tonight.

HAHAHAHAHAH<3

TV commercial songs <3

2010-05-03T02:33:00.000+08:00

400th post. =D

this week was quite unproductive.
i missed lectures from Monday to Thurs.
and was 15mins early for Friday lecture.

anyway, I'd like to send some shoutouts and props to mai homies!

-SUPER THANKS Pearly for letting me borrow your
WS & H notes. I borrowed it for like damn long uh.

-SUPER SORRY twin for missing your set. Like seriously I feel really bad.
I AM SORRY NASH. 5.30AM BREAKFAST <3 we will do it again soon POSSIBLY WITH SAM.

-SUPER OMG Sam your handwriting doesn't fit you. YOUR HANDWRITING IS NICER THAN ANY GIRL I KNOW. damn i don't feel good coz your handwriting is neater than mine. 5.30AM BREAKFAST SAM POSSIBLY WITH NASH.

-SUPER YAY to Mabel after like 2 years of absense. ok, not really absense, just that I haven't seen you! DAMN, I WISH PEOPLE WILL ACCOMPANY ME TO MUSEUMS. Me like artsy fartsy peeps. <3

-SUPER WISHES to Wenyi that your laptop finally recovers from bad repairs from 'them'.
OH and thanks for helping me get my notes YAY!

-SUPER BOO to MR CHIN a.k.a. MR CRIMSON CHIN (fairly oddparents) HAHA. MR CHIN IS MY BESTFRFIEND.

Mr CHIN: You got girlfriend?
Mee: Errr.... No.
Mr CHIN: SEE if you cut your hair, surely got one long line of girls wanting to be your girlfriend
Mee: TSK I'M UGLY LAH
Mr CHIN: =D
Mee: TSK OIE MR CHIN! YOU GO HOME LAH! BYE LAH!

-SUPER WOOOOO! to Lez's band, DEEP FRIED NINJA hahahahahaha. AWESOME SET on CINE.

-SUPER HUGE LOL to QIUYAN and her never-ending LOL chants. LIKE SERIOUSLY LOL, there should be a crime for saying so much L-O-Ls in a lifetime.

-SUPER CHEEK PINCH to AMANDA the CHIKORITA. PLEASE BE A LESBIAN AND REVEAL SOME OF THAT CUTESY CUTESY!

-SUPER BRO HIGH FIVE SLAP to MIC CHOI! because you are cool. AND WE TAKE THE SAME LINE HOME. YAY red line buddy!

-SUPER ANTICIPATION EXCITEMENT to my personal maids (bestfriends to me) JOANNE AND KAHYEN. 7th MAY my bro's PERCUSSION ENSEMBLE @ NYP! OIE JOANNE you haven't replied me. AND ARE YOU FEELING BETTERRR????? OIE KAHYEN! DON'T EMO! I take back my virus from you luh! <3 HARTheartHART

-SUPER OIE to JIMMEH BOY! OIE JIMMY cold storage/chill time soon! ENTERTAIN ME coz i need it =( CAN'T YOU TELL I'M SAD????? HAHAHAHAHAHA

here is a list of what I need to do. ASAP.

-finishing copying WS & H notes
-finish WS & H tutorial which I didnt hand in. crap.
-FYP ppt
-finish Oh Why, Rain Me (personal project) FIRST ORIGINAL
-finish sequencing PTP FIRST ORIGINAL drums
-MICE MANAGEMENT TUTORIAL
-Edit & Upload videos (The Journey, Home/Find My Way (Back Home) )
-IT TUTORIAL (I think im too late. ARGH. shit don't do this to me)
-IT ppt
-SLEEP
-learn 30 and 7 bass parts
-learn to stop thinking 2469832913745948513 things at once
-MOVE ON
-keep taking things easy
-Configure laptop
-INSTALL MICROSOFT OFFICE

and more.

shit i should be doing them now.
My life kills.
I wish I could keep things simple.
But my brain won't let me.

2010-05-03T01:32:00.001+08:00

losing was fine,
until this house fell apart.

slowly,
the road less traveled fails to impress.
I never looked forward to it anyway.

history just rang.
I'm forced in this imprisonment.

fighting won't matter anyway.
so keep moving on this path.
let's give the benefit of doubt to this certainty.

because everything still meant something.
though depleting, fast.

2010-05-01T03:30:00.000+08:00

I smiled at her today
and she smiled back.
her smiles made me tingle
it was a ray of sunshine

I WANT A DAUGHTER TOO! =D

2010-04-29T23:40:00.000+08:00

I'll fall before I start fighting
but you'll never see me crumble.

2010-04-26T22:00:00.000+08:00

Wooooooooo!
presentation went great.
woo YAY YAY.

I think I'm sick and twisted.

26th

2010-04-26T00:48:00.000+08:00

A day after.

Intentions are sacred
Some breeds sacrifice
Intentions are deep inside
Most breeds sacrifice
Intentions are self-reliance
They breed sacrifice

If it's about your intentions,
Tom, keep sacrificing.
For it should never be about you.

If it's cold outside, we need a jacket.
we'll feel comfortable

If it's hot outside, we need shades
we'll feel comfortable

jackets hug us
shades protect us

because every human needs help
no matter how simple it may seem

A perfection like you is irreplaceable

We finally remembered. red, the red.

2010-04-22T00:35:00.000+08:00

The first week of sch is just like how I had imagine.
wasn't pretty.
but well, perserverence is the only virtue for now.
though the lectures and tutorials have been kind.
FOR NOW.

Final year project is in progress
and damn, yearbook is still in progress.
shit.
the fyp people are bonding quite smoothly now.
I kinda enjoy being in everyone's company actually.
like the 14(i think) of us!

I do wonder though,
how long would this apparent friendship
would last before everyone hates each other.

but i guess we aren't gonna be to hard on each other.
2 years in 04 taught me however hard it is,
we always compromise and no one gets hurt.
I'm guessing its gonna be the same for us.

Awesome Night Safari event!
yay!
Thinking about it,
I'm probably one of the luckiest person in school.
Youth Olympics for ITP.
Such an awesome event for FYP.

And today's tutorial, for the love of god,
was probably the easiest shit ever.
I mean, who calls copying notes a tutorial????
well, in event, we call beautifying our facebook profile a tutorial.
uploading a photo on facebook to win a contest a tutorial.
No one has it like we do <3
ok whatever, since when was I even proud of my own course anyway.
who am i kidding.

I hate the very fact that I need to do research of the upcoming events online
because I'm just too lazy.
And that is probably an easy one.
Gosh I should be more thankful though.

Presentation to CASS director this friday.
FML. FML.

Jamming for 2 days straight.
firstly with Xiao Ming, Yon and JJ @ Moberly
hahahahahah funny jamming time.
The jamming space is like woah huge.
But it has a noise limiter.
WHAT THE SHIT LAH.
thats such a ruiner.
Apparently, the mat band that played before killed the bass amp.

Had PTP jamming just now @ some place in Sultan Plaza
called Alliance something.
The acoustics suck though they have high end equipments.
Apparently my autotune isn't working as I thought it would.
damn. shit.
I'm gonna figure that out.

Oh, PTP performing tmr night.
I wonder what I shd wear.
argh, why must I have school tmr.
damn you sam for not having sch tmr.
If anyone wants to see us perform,
its @ blackhole.
I think we are playing at like.... 9pm-ish
It's $6 bucks or $8 or smth.
hahahhaahah

Anyway, I keep spacing out nowadays.

I think I'm gonna have to treat myself to whatever I think is good soon.
This difficulty in sleeping isn't healthy at all.
Oh wait, I came home at 9pm yesterday and slept instantly
without even changing my clothes
because I didnt sleep for 2 days.
And I must say, sleeping in jeans made me comfortable.
I didn't feel cold with the fan set at level 1.

yes, I need to switch off the fan in the middle of the night
because I get super cold even though its only in
the first and the slowest speed.

Well, I don't think I'll be sleeping today either.
Strangely, I never feel tired when I'm in sch this week.
But each time I step home, I feel like I just came back from gym or smth.
and the thing is, I can't sleep.
I'll zombie around the house and I'll spread my virus
and zombify my family with my emotionless look.

hahahahah my mom's worried at my dieting
and my health.
and my dad's hopping into the worried boat too.
which is really weird because he's not usually the worried type.
Of course, he is concern, just that he lets mom handle things around the house.

but it's just that my appetite decreased.
so I can't help it if I don't eat when I'm home.
Oh wait, i don't even eat much in school too.
and this lack of sleep made my eyes droopy.
and like I said, I it only occurs when I reach home.
Which really, is the funny thing.
hahahaha. hmmmm.... something's up with me ahhhh.

noooooooo.....
I refuse to be as skinny as Joanne
who prefers to be fat.

Humans will never be contented.
Hence Joanne, naturally, you'd want to be fat.
And if you were to be fat, you'd want to be skinny!
yay, I think I made sense there.

Is it just me, or is another month coming to an end??

like woah, its coming to may in about a week.
2010 is really flying past man.
We're reaching half of the year soon!
Earth you can do it!
Don't die on us humans yet!
Please hold on for like..... 60 more years?
well I don't think I'm gonna live that long.
so maybe like 30 - 40 more years would be good.
or even 10 -20 years.
I'll die young, whatever.

and with the uncaring way of 'looking after myself',
hahahahaha, I think when I'm 40, alot of people will die
because god must compensate others' lives so i can
stay on living.
hahahahaahaah,
I'd probably die by 40 I suppose.

It's not a deathwish, it's a thought!

of course, I'd be honoured to live past 40.
or maybe not.
By then, the Earth is probably a warzone with all the natural disasters
keep terrorizing.

Anyway, I always thought I should live through teens and die when im like....
25 - 26?
yeah, I used to wish that I had some kind of terminal disease and die peacefully
at a young age.
I think alot of people had that kind of wish before though.
damn so unoriginal.

Well, since May's coming, it means, my birthday!
hahahha ok I'm not actually trying to remind people.
I just wanted to mention that I know quite a few people
that is or was close to me with their bithday's in May!
like SAM! 29 may!
My elder BROTHER! 9 may!
Melissa, i forgot. was it 28? wait, was her birthday even on may?
and the best one, SUHAILAH 30 May. COINCIDENCE.
We cried together lol. maybe not same hospital but hey whatever.
and you're now in Australia for the past 6 years.
we were funny uh.
MIR! 24May!
oh and SNSD's Yoona. 30 May.
hahahhahaa cool. but kpop doesnt interest me anymore.
so goodbye to copying-western-songs-due-to-lack-of-creativity, songs.

well friendship die often.
and new friend come butting into your life.
bittersweet, bittersweet.

omg, I didn't realise this post has grown to be super wordy.
yay.
*sniff sniff*
How much you've grown!
I seems like just a minute ago I started typing on you!
hahahaha.
what am I thinking wtf.

I really post some pictures but I wanna save them for my vlogs.
yes, its been a long long time.
I'm busy ok.
I wanna show transformer penis.
but I must save it for that epic vlog moment.

Ok, must go now.
time to take out my bass and go jiggy with it.
hahahahahah so wrong
well, my days are numbered.
I better go now.

Have a good night people of the Earth. <3
We should all have lunch sometime.
love.

2010-04-19T02:12:00.001+08:00

omg seriously, just kill me already.

2010-04-19T01:52:00.000+08:00

I WILL NEVER REST.

when no one's talking

2010-04-18T04:44:00.000+08:00

insomnia.
insomnia.

I know I'm tired.
but i can't sleep.
my mind's too full of thoughts.
its like my brain is an overflowing bucket of water.
somehow when the light is off,
all the thoughts in the world come crashing into my head.

I'm sick of thinking.
My brain's just too tired.
but I can't sleep.
my stomach's grumbling
and my body is breaking down from malnutrition.

I feel so hot
but I shiver the second I switch on the fan.
Air-con makes me sick so thats never gonna be installed in the house.

I need some shut eye to escape from my thoughts.
even such a simple, lazy task is impossible now.

I'll just try to sleep again later in the night then.
don't make me vulnerable.

fear of music.

2010-04-18T03:23:00.000+08:00

Music born in a side of the world,
other citizens only heard of.
yet its encircling melody binds,
hearts of millions.

how, such simple string of words
and pitch could direct such a play.

in this city, I saw myself in the mist
of its witty rhythm.
in this city, we saw ourselves buried
in the warm sands of them harmony.
in this city, we long to connect through
the familiarity of this shared music.
maybe, that song can once more work its magic.

and we all know that familiarity will breed
emotions.
emotions they breed, as one may well know,
aren't too soft for our hearts to join in its festive.
harsh, harsh.
we all know the tormenting nature of this familiarity.

yet, its soothing voice strokes me gently
with its faithful ambiance.
how my heart melts when we started to listen.
no,
how our hearts melt when we started to listen.

how the situation differs from the time of them music.
the time when the camera flashed white exuberance.
how our hearts were beating to the thrill of the music.
the time when we were watching the breathless, serene scenery
of the flowing river while greeting to grace the sonic motions
of the dedicated ships.

Music, so bitter and cold, so lush and tranquil.

2010-04-17T22:40:00.002+08:00

Wae-oh-wah-oh-wah-oh

Wae-oh-wah-oh-wah-oh

choco i miss you dancing.
miss you dancing with me.

everyday-e-yeh

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

choco we're undercover
you give me flowers when away

everyday-e-yeh

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
kitkat rocks my socks.

2010-04-17T22:40:00.001+08:00

hahahahahahahaha.

when they come down, they come down with a strike.

in your silence.

2010-04-17T21:43:00.000+08:00

tell me dear,
and I such a revolting person?

dont run away
am i such a bad memory?

share with me,
because you need it right now.
let me see your insides.

or even write me off.

I'd listen to anything at all

and yet, still, I try to converse.

somewhere, somehow

2010-04-16T22:39:00.000+08:00

Sitting, looking from the sidelines hurts so badly.

for such a long time,
I've always seen blogs as not just another social networking tool,
but also a medium to spread language art
through extensive, exaggerated use of emotions.

While I'm the only one that actually put sense into the words
recklessly typed into this everchanging
(less so, in the years that came though)
site, others find a mutual vacant idea slapped across each posts.

and my hypothesis come across as being substantially sound, justified by own posts.
THAT hypothesis being people may think I'm just another person that does not
create a level of interest in blogging.

well, being the undisputed master of this loathesome blog,
evidently, I'm really quite nonchalant to any kind of claims,

but thats really not the point right now.

And really, there isn't any definite agenda to begin with
And maybe ths could evenbe the first post in such a long time that actually
made sense language-wise from the viewpoint of a reader.

BUT I DIGRESSED. (I know i deviate alot)
Well whatever posts that anyone may have read in this blog that
just doesn't compute, it is probably my mind that was talking,
trying to save itself before it spirals into a crescendo of some sorts
that may lead to a chance of insanity.

And really, this body of mine saw that route and it wasn't at all pretty.
Took awhile before I began to de-zombify. dread it.

somehow my mind could transpose all the pictures, lines, blurry words and vague events happening in my mind into definite, audible words.
I have issues with myself that only known people could comprehend.

My mind blanked out after "comprehend" and i spaced for almost an hour.

MOVING ON

After a fashion, though, my mind could always amplify
my thoughts & emotion no matter how small it may be.

And that amplification ends up in the blog.
Sitting pretty.

I spaced again after "pretty"

These few days have been bittersweet.
I saw myself through my own disappearance.
My retreat into my thoughts proved to be a challenging one

especially with the things happening around me.
Somehow i realised how messed up parents can be.
And how self-sacrificing they can be.

I guess in the end, everyone needs help.
No matter how ugly a situation tends to evolve into,
theres always that minute detail that was never tapped on
or was never even came across as sound, practical, sane.

Just remember that a little but of soul-searching always help.
DON'T DWELL ON NEGATIVITY.

im not sure why I'm actually ranting on all that.
But I guess it's an indication of rememberance,
a constant reminder to myself.

"For all the ties that binds us,
A dream so honest,
An intention so pure,
Secrets, secrets,
This is where you're kept"

"For all these feelings that makes us...... They wont be ignored."

And yet, still, I keep trying to converse.

2010-04-12T01:48:00.000+08:00

sleep tight world.

I'll see you again soon =D

2010-04-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

take me out before i lose myself.

its ok, i'll lose myself.

life should end now.

2010-04-12T01:31:00.000+08:00

today was fun
despite a few screw ups!

hope joanne had fun today!
happy birthday joannie!

missed ava today but its okay!
coz im accompanied by great friendssss.
somehow we never fail to create such useless conversations.
and awesomely its technically our 3rd year celebrating our own
birthdays together!

yay!

as we normally do,
camwhoring is our mutual activity!

2010-04-09T17:41:00.000+08:00

I shall save my rants for later.

BigBang keeps driving me crazy with their songs.

2010-04-09T16:25:00.000+08:00

Going shopping-ish for 'someone's' present later.
yes we are late.
Sorry 'someone'

and its raining now.
thunder lightning.

and im locked up in my room because
im trying to get ready for thunder and lightning in my
own house.

oh gosh, these were the days I wished I was in camp.

its like all the thoughts came sprinting back when
the OC's said the word 'goodbye'

how ironic was it that whatever 'they' advised
was whatever that they didnt do?

wayang

2010-04-09T16:15:00.000+08:00

somehow, we were missing links.

2010-04-09T15:53:00.000+08:00

aching, breaking
but no one saw that pain in your eyes.
still, journey wasnt left untouched.

yet you kept on living.
because you still thought everyone mattered
when you were beaten by the same.

oh god, there's so little time.
remembering my name is so difficult
yet im trying to stay awake.

i should keep myself busy since camp's done
before i spiral into my history's worst.

2010-04-09T15:47:00.000+08:00

stop deceiving, start believing,

oh hi, im back home.

psyched

2010-04-03T09:17:00.001+08:00

nothing is gonna stop me.

EXPLODE!

everyone's speaking to me.

2010-04-03T04:55:00.001+08:00

if someone loved you someone can love you again

where i least expected.
world, you are beautiful.

2010-04-03T03:10:00.001+08:00

you need to love yourself for others to love you

thanks sam.
i needed that.

2010-04-03T03:10:00.000+08:00

you need to love yourself for others to love you

thanks sam.
i needed that.

2010-04-02T21:58:00.000+08:00

So now,
If only I would listen to myself.

a girl

2010-04-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

asked, "when we are sad and heartbroken, what do we do to make ourselves feel better?"

the poet then answered "you cry."

the girl got confused and said, "But I've cried so much. I'm sick of it."

which the poet then prompt answered, "Did you cry because you feel hurt deep inside, or because you're letting it all out?"

he added, "Would you rather jump into a pool without water to suicide, or jump into a pool full of your own tears, knowing that it will save you and make you feel better for letting it out?"

History

2010-04-02T20:43:00.000+08:00

in current affairs.

Enchanted.

2010-04-02T20:42:00.000+08:00

by roaming skies.