Monday, September 29, 2008
i jus dun give a something about anything

ok, well....
hari raya is in 2 days.



but i jus dun give a crap bout it.


theres no festive mood.
and im not reali looking 4ward to it.
i wish fasting month would never stop.
coz im still scared



yes im still scared.
i feel like im constantly being watched.
and sometimes work gets to me when its dark.
the sound effects jus makes me go delirious.
im scared
im scared
its reali getting worse everytime.

and my mind's failing me.
nightmares are so frequent these days
that im afraid of sleeping.






oh my god i've never felt this scared before.


wat the hell is wrong with u Tom??????


wat exactly are you scared of?





i thought i got used to this.
this is gonna be the 3rd week that i slept at 4am each day.
revert back my lifestyle pls.
i need it back now.


oh patrick dun fail me now.




im aready starting to get paranoid over charcoal.
ohmygod wats next.


oh no no no no no no
dun hallucinate now.
oh no
oh no
oh no

not now not now.

♥/LiterallyTom/2:40 AM

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Work.







heres some photos of the tags!








hahahahha
cant even find home!








monkey god pasted on a cloud.







super random tag at the forest part of singapore







SMU!






And here's my favourite!




super cute!







and heres some montage of tags!~











well then see ya all laterrrrrr

♥/LiterallyTom/6:11 AM

Monday, September 22, 2008

super.


get use to it.
get use to it.
get use to it.
get use to it.



get use to the fact that grandma's gone.
get use to the fact that u weren't there for grandma.
get use to the fact that u will never sleep well after that.
get use to the haunting dream.
get use to the fact that ur life is being haunted by something.
get use to the feeling of being watched
get use to the fact that its gonna be worse after fasting month
get use to the fact that another family member is gone after an expedition.
get use to the fact that ur mentally ill.
get use to the fact that ur increasingly talking to yourself
get use to video blogs to rid of this psychology illness.
get use to the fact that u had a chance to forgive someone u actually cried for.
get use to the fact that u were the cause.
get use to the fact that u failed as a man.
get use to blaming yourself.
get use to being called stupid.
get use to being second best
get use to thinking.
get use to thinking so deep.
get use to thinking so deep its only hurting
get use to having fake friends
get use to living only for yourself
get use to fighting your own battles
get use to being quiet
get use to daydream of a better day
get use to locking yourself in your own mind
get use to the frequent migraines.
get use to the momentary loss of vision after that
get use to falling after that
get use to the numb
get use to the voices


oh god save me from the voices.
stop these voices pls
oh my god.


get use to it
get use to it
get use to it
get use to it
get use to it
get use to it
get use to it





tell me if the days are getting on ur nerves coz i'd like to switch places.




ppl say reflecting is good
but its reali making me delirious.


i might snap anytime.



lose my insanity.





but that seem to be a nice possibility.
lose it.
lose it now.






jus one hug by a stranger
and i might jus need it for life.










oh no.
no no no
pls dun rain
no lightning and thunder pls
oh god no.
pls no

♥/LiterallyTom/3:03 AM

Saturday, September 20, 2008

weeeeek weeeeek weeeeek


thats the sound of Tom trying to pig squeal




ok holidays jus burning out quickly as it seems
and im jus at home practising playing my trumpet.


im trying to play STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO!
yayyyy!~
and i can somewat play.
yes.



days spent is with Nawawi.
wow i have one friend left in the world.


I'll be volunteering for Singapore Biennale nxt week
Gonna be so damn busy now.
yay
++ for my portfolio!
thk god rajes keeps me updated sometimes.


ok,
even if i cant make it to university,
i shd jus volunteer or work in lots and lots of events.
den atleast i hv experience.
Therefore, a fighting chance.
oh my.
i hate fights.




my disposition of the state im in is still killing me.
but im still cool.


not that i worry.

or do i?



and now i do realise that i judge ppl.


and i think human judge each other.
even though they deny it.
its a natural human tendency i guess.
and no one's spared from it.


not even YOU.



and alot of times i hear ppl say:

"im not judgemental"
"i dun judge ppl"


and then they curse other ppl they
see outside saying "u mat", "u minah", "u ah beng", "u ah lian"

obviously thats judging ppl directly.


and its only a handfull of ppl who reali mean it
when they say they dun judge ppl.


i dare say i judge ppl.
but that doesnt mean im a bad person.
(or am i?)



i judge ppl from first impressions.

i judge ppl by how they are dressed

i judge ppl by how they speak

i judge ppl by how they react to watever

i judge ppl by the type of songs they listen to.

i judge ppl by their hand writings.

i judge ppl by their looks & appearances.

i judge ppl by how they carry themselves in public.

i judge ppl by how many questions they answered correctly.

i judge ppl by their feelings



sometimes i judge ppl by their race.
its a common tendency for us being humans
but how well u think,react, handle and respond to perspectives that makes u special.

im not racist.
I super strongly believe in racial harmony that sometimes i go overboard.



see?
i judge people easily


BUT




but i give chances.
now thats going the extra mile to break a common disposition.




so u dun judge ppl?
i dun buy it.



unless u give them a chance.











u are jus like them.

♥/LiterallyTom/11:41 PM

nobusiness. mono. stereo.

lets jus let vids do the talking.

Part1




Part2





Oh and Patrick got smth to say.





♥/LiterallyTom/4:02 AM

Friday, September 19, 2008
Gus ur sad. GUMS MUMSICLES!

Today brought me a nice weather.


And im honoured to have spent the
last of it out of the shelter of home.





coz life on holidays are nothing but new shocks.



and stupid patrick's been noisy looking
at the stupid photo and walking around in circles
while drooling sodium peroxide.





gosh,
i hate sch,
i hate holidays,
so wat now.



im so gonna hate work next time.





and now im psychologically ill
coz im talking to myself ever so frequent
i dunno whether i need attention fast.




i wanna see ppl quick.

♥/LiterallyTom/3:06 AM

Thursday, September 18, 2008
now, shove it down your throat,

here's wat Patrick have to say.






♥/LiterallyTom/2:43 AM

Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Get me an ocean im drowning.

Jamming is fun!~




Im gonna show u my ROOM!
im so gay.










Patrick gonna say something later!

♥/LiterallyTom/10:52 PM

oh and how i long to shape the world square.

OK,
Im bored so more vids.

of myself.
and patrick.


coz I CAN!




here's what Patrick has been doing for 8 months.









bye eye eye eye eye

♥/LiterallyTom/3:15 AM

Now turn into your feet!

Hello peopull!~

Today, today, today,
is a start of my new VIDEO BLOG!
=D


its lame i know






I'll see you in the next vid blog den!
Assholes.

♥/LiterallyTom/2:17 AM

Sunday, September 14, 2008
oh my god i speak words of doubt.

Oh my i doubt.


oh my i doubt.



oh my i doubt.



Im supposed to be tired after the special nights i spent
with my conscience as my eyes were opened throughout.

I dunno why but i get scared when i close my eyes
these few days.

I'd open my eyes in less than 15 minutes whenever i try to sleep.






i think im scared.
dun scare me.
im scared.
reali.
im scared.



this week, well...
been sleeping @ 4.30am and waking up at 5.15am
for early breakfast before fasting.
4.30 am lights out.


4.50 am eyes starts to close.



5.15am WAKE UP WAKE UP MY GOD THIS IS NOT A TEST




its.... about 5 days now.
OMG.
Im supposed to be dead by now.



I AM SUPPOSED TO BE TIRED.
TOM, BE TIRED NOW.
WHY ARENT YOU TIRED???
TIRED TIRED SLEEP SLEEP



Fasting's not making me any patient.
Im still an angry kidd.



WAT?
TOM?
TOM AN ANGRY KID?
are u like kidding me?
How can he be an angry kid when he
goes to library jus to hear nothing and read
books of self-improvement?
WTF? TOM AN ANGRY KID?



I have an identity crisis.
I dunno myself.



I think im very pretentious.
oh, its jus another way to say,

IM A FAKE.

like some guy I know who speaks super
accurate american slang eng and wear super weird wig to hide his bald head.
and live a life of lies.





Im a fake to the extent that i dun recognise myself.



I think everyone i met has a super different view of wat Tom is.


the people from class 04 probabli think that
im so quiet that i sometimes render myself invisible.
or they might think i hv a super unpredictable nature.

coz i go crazy in one second and turn invisible the next second


the people from BE club probabli think that
im a crazed maniac that spouts nonsense and
screams like a monkey with a sore throat while doing it.


the people from I go out to watch gigs with probabli think that im
a super happy-go-lucky guy that puts a smile on my face even when
a megaton of steel was dropped on my feet.


the people from reg class probabli think that
im an unpredictable guy that loves curtains.



its sucks when u dunn know yourself.
im so unpredictable even my relationships show



i wish i dun hv to mind my own business.


falling behind
stuck in my own world
falling behind
crazed. try to make sense of wat is possible.
no no no.
falling behind.



do something.
Pretend ur okay.
go.
go.
go.

♥/LiterallyTom/2:09 AM

Friday, September 12, 2008

5

4

3

2

1


wow.
Super.

♥/LiterallyTom/12:49 AM

Monday, September 8, 2008
The Quest. Sunken. Deep.

THX SYL.




I think missing someone is the only thing
that keeps me sane.
its ironic.
How ironic.





Waking up in the morning and jus feel that there's jus someone u wanna see.
or at least catch a glimpse.




jus a quick glance.

its satisfying at that.



but its hard.
now that 2 people i love is out of my life.



jus a quick glance.
or maybe a chance to relay jus one word.
"sorry"
thats all.

jus one word.
one word.
"sorry"
then im done.
thats all......


reali.
thats all....




breakdown is quite an ambiguous word.


Some ppl embrace it,
in excitement.
Like in a hardcore song.



Some ppl avoid it.
Like a plague.


but breakdown is frequent these few days.
And its getting worse.



maybe its a sign.
A sign for a better tomorrow.
and a turn of events will occur shortly.
Maybe its a sign for something else.


Something big.



I believe in the balance of life.


a new life will cause death
a positive emotion will cause a negative.



and it works vice versa too.



And its a sign for me to forget.
But forget comes with a straint.


a sharp straint.
Which in turn comes back to breakdown.



Wat I learn so much is the time of impact things have on me.
How long before i feel the aftermath
Its never direct.
Things never get to me fast enough to realise and act.
Never.
Its as though im suppose to feel its grip.
Relax as much as i will,
It will get to me.
Maybe not too soon.
But it will.
It jus will.
Its pathetic.
Jus pathetic.








Tom,
Its time to forget.
Its time to forget
Its time to forget
Its time to jus forget it.


its time to move on.



Jus move on.





The road looks misty. Grey.
I need help.
You.
Words mean something.
At least something.
Its not the world.
But its something.
But ur gone.
Jus like that.
Like a swift motion
Not even a quick glance
Daringly pointed your finger
I was a root?
I'm the root?
Fine
You find yours
I will find mine
Will
Might
May
Can't
May
Might
Can
Will



But we all have our happiness sometimes.
Sometimes.

♥/LiterallyTom/2:07 AM

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Woke up to a shocking news yesterday.

very shocking.


Grandma was passed on to another world.
its jus.....



shocking.
very very very shocking.



I jus told myself not to tear.
it may seem insensitive for some.

but i jus tried not to tear
well of coz, i cant reali hold such a strong emotion outburst
Watever Tom.




tsk.


stop doing this.


its a cliche,
and its a cliche saying its a cliche,
but reali we take everything for granted
and only realise its importance after its demise.


ah.



nvr thought its that real.

♥/LiterallyTom/11:21 PM

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Redesigning is nothing.
But your words mean the most
But the most is nothing
And redesigning is nothing




Now, get a grip.
Take a step further
More.
More.
No, More.
Yes, great
Now, rub a little love.
Good.

♥/LiterallyTom/7:48 AM

Monday, September 1, 2008
lights

Oh no no no no.



no


no dont




stop






shit





stop








stop.
Stop crying stupid.

♥/LiterallyTom/2:13 PM