Sunday, April 5, 2009
My hero drowned our wills.

Naneun seulpeoyo.

Im gonna talk weird today.
You can still read it.
But its gonna look weird.


i feel qtuie sad rtie now.
I cmee bcak form the hptiosal to see g'ma.
Ptrenael one.


She lkooed rleai rlaei scik.
Ddnit konw she was at taht cnodtiion.
she couldnt even speak properly. (I got tired.)

her precautions for the nurses was
-Drug allergy
-Fall precautions

so g'dad wasnt supposed to help her walk or move her lower body in anyway.
he's quite weak.
Oh and fyi, she's wheelchairbound.
she wanted to go to the bathroom today.
but she couldnt.
she wasnt supposed to.


she kept scolding g'dad coz
g'dad said the barrier at the side of the bed was locked
and he didnt hv the key.
calling him stupid and no brain like that.


Truth is, it was a white lie.
the barrier didnt need keys.
G'ma jus couldnt leave her bed.
I felt bad.
no one was there except for me and my brother.
I felt useless.
reali useless.

The oni thing I could do was jus look.
i couldnt do anything even if i wanted to.
Even g'dad had to try hard to convince her
that he didnt have the key for
the barriers.


It was tough love for g'dad.
He kept on laughiing and smiling.
But I know that he was secretly dying inside.
they are a very loving couple.
Until now.
I reali felt broken seeing g'ma like that.


especiali when Im oni suppose to watch the pain she's going through.
so cruel.


I can oni imagine how g'dad feels when she's been going in and out
of that darn hospital.
but still, he kept a strong front.
Although he's tired.
reali reali reali tired.
he's voice is breaking up even.


I wish to love someone that sincerely.
but i dun think thats gonna happen.


I hope g'ma would get well soon.
So i can visit her at home instead.


I dun wanna regret not visiting her until its too late.
Like wat happened with maternal g'ma.
I dun wanna see another love one secretly cry inside.
I may not see it, but mom reali puts on a brave front.
Everyone knows she's a soft woman underneath that strong character.

and I dun wanna see another female depart.



sniffsniff.
everything's going faster and faster.
I wish the world would give me time to rest.
i need my thoughts back.

♥/LiterallyTom/2:00 AM